Something different in store for me

Time is going ridiculously slow right now. It needs to go faster. I don't have class until 4:30, but I came up to campus for Singer's callbacks, for which I've been excited since last Tuesday. I wanted to see how many were on the final callback list when all the returning singers were added, so I went and looked at it. To my surprise, my name was gone. I wish I had known that before I left for campus. I did it again. I let my hopes up way too high, when I knew it was a mistake. This was a big dream for me, and that was my last chance. I wish I'd at least gotten to sing in callbacks, but apparently there is something else in store for me this year. I can't imagine what might make me as happy as being in Singers would have, but I hope I find it soon. What am I going to do with myself? I really am ok, just like I prayed I would be, but I feel this emptiness that needs to be filled. I'm not mad at myself really, because I did the best I could. I'm certainly not mad at Dr. Staheli because I don't think I can find that in me. I just really need something I can give myself to so that I can heal faster. Maybe this is a bigger deal to me than it should be, but it's too late to change that now. I can't help how much I have come to love Singers. I'll still be found there nearly every day, even if it hurts for a while. And I guess it's not like I won't be singing. I just have to get through more callbacks and then it can all start. I hope I can put my heart in it, because if not, it wont work. It's hard to give my best to what I don't want most.